It’s scary to imagine different friendship groups (Image: Getty / Metro.co.uk)
The pandemic has been difficult for many reasons, but one of the defining factors of the past 20 months has been the restrictions on socializing in large groups or, sometimes, the inability to socialize at all.
While this has negatively impacted the relationships, social life, and mental health of many people, others breathe a sigh of relief.
In fact, the excuse of seeing people individually or in limited numbers has been an unexpected benefit of the pandemic for some of us.
Why? Because of the fear that can come with mixing up different friendship groups.
For many people, the thought of having their “work friends” with their “university friends” in the same room and their “other university friends who don’t know these university friends” is enough to make them sweat.
I am one of those people. There is nothing worse than the thought of anxiously watching my a little disturbed friend, who I knew from festivals and gigs at the time, as he has erratic conversations with a colleague with whom I am currently building a slowly blossoming friendship with, all in one Social framework organized by me – that of course means that I am personally responsible for every evening.
Social anxiety increased during the pandemic
I’m not alone. This is one facet of social anxiety – and it has been exacerbated by Covid. One study found that nearly half (45%) of UK adults enjoyed not having the pressure to socialize during the lockdown and 40% were afraid to socialize again after the lockdown. In addition, almost a quarter say they have forgotten how to socialize everyone together.
After nearly two years with no chance to mingle with friends, the fact that our social lives are reopening – with the added bonus of the Christmas Nights rush ahead – will be overwhelming to some.
This is especially true when a social event consists of being the organizer or feeling the pressure to bring people together on specific occasions.
“It’s normal to be afraid of mixing up friendship groups,” Alex Mellor-Brook, co-founder of Select Personal Introductions, told Metro.co.uk.
“These groups of people are important and you obviously get along with them, but the common denominator between them all is you.
“They can all come from different backgrounds, have different beliefs – and if they met independently, they would have nothing in common.
“So when you bring them together, you put yourself under pressure to make sure everything runs smoothly.”
There’s a lot of pressure to make sure everything goes smoothly (Image: Getty Images / iStockphoto)
Different personas for different friends
That makes sense, but why do some people introduce their metafit pals to their pub quiz pals – while others can’t think of anything worse? What makes some people more concerned than others when different elements of their lives come together in one place?
“The more“ people like ”tendencies a person has, the greater their fear,” explains Sally Baker, senior therapist. “Being seen as a fixer, or the one who feels responsible for making sure everyone else is having a good time, correlates with higher levels of stress when you watch your friends either mix well or sit tightly in their original groups.”
In addition to the fear of people not mixing or connecting, many of us have slightly different personalities that we resort to for different groups of people. Some friends may have well-defined expectations about how to expect us, which might conflict with our self-image – or how others see us. According to Baker, this is nothing to be ashamed of.
“One reason we like our friends is because we like who we are when we are with them,” she told Metro.co.uk. “It is very natural to unconsciously behave a little differently or to emphasize different aspects of your own personality with different friendship groups.
“This can be most noticeable when dealing with friends made during formative life experiences, such as school friends, versus college friends or NCT friends you made when you have a baby.”
“It’s not about being wrong,” she adds. “It reflects the many complex aspects of our personality.”
Mellor-Brookes agrees, adding, “From the types of jokes you tell to the subject of conversation, you behave differently with different people. You can even turn a blind eye to certain comments they make based on your relationship with you compared to other groups of friends. ‘
Relationships change over time
Another factor is that we change as people over the years – and certain friendships are linked to different phases and aspects of your life. Developing as a person can make certain relationships difficult to maintain – and bringing these different eras together can highlight how much you’ve changed, a fact that certain friends may not always want to acknowledge.
“The more the friendship is based on longing for lost time like your club years, the less forgiving they are when you turn to sobriety or career, or after a divorce,” says Baker.
“People change, but sometimes friends want us to be as they knew us before.”
While it’s normal to have “in-jokes” or to revert to certain ways of life when hanging out with friends from certain periods in your life, putting these different elements of your life together can be stressful. At least for the socially fearful among us.
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But introverts can breathe a sigh of relief – we know for good reason that it’s okay not to mix up friendship groups, and we shouldn’t put pressure on ourselves to do so.
“There’s no rule that you have to merge your friendship groups or even meet more than one friend at a time,” explains Baker. “Just as some people are sequential monogamists, you can be a sequential friend. It’s okay to stick to your boundaries and keep everyone in their individual friendship bubbles.
“Almost two years of restricted access to our friends have taught us that it is not ‘things’ that we miss the most, but our tribe – even if your tribe is made up of diverse groups that have little in common.”
I just have to say, thank God – table for two, please.
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Contact us by email at MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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